When Tragedy Strikes... Again.

Truthfully, I dissociated after I heard the news and I also threw myself into any and all opportunities to show up for students (especially the keynote speech that so many of you celebrated with me). Workaholism and dissociation are still my default settings in tragic moments, even after years of healing from trauma.

 

𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫, 𝐬𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈’𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥.

 

I have seen all of the articles, accusations, memes, political spins, and heart-wrenching stories about the victims and the students who survived and, as I process all of it, I can’t help but go ten years back in time to the Sandy Hook tragedy.

 

Sandy Hook changed everything about my life and career, and what I learned and realized back then still influences almost every decision I make. If I am being honest, things were so intense for me in December 2012 that many of my loved ones will tell you that they were worried that I was off the deep end mentally and emotionally.

 

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐡*𝐭 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲 𝐚𝐬 𝐈 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐝, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞.

 

Sandy Hook was the catalyst for my first blog and it also led to my retirement, my business, my passion for mindfulness and SEL, and all the work I do. I met and followed so many incredible leaders like Scarlett Lewis who lost her son, Jesse, and I saw their strength, their pain, and I definitely saw how the changes they proposed would help.

 

I am proud of all that I’ve learned and all of the work I’ve done so far…but so much more work needs to be done because it happened again (and again and again).

 

I know this isn’t the first school shooting since Sandy Hook (actually it is the 949th school shooting since then) but the majority of the victims in this most recent tragedy were 10 years old.

 

My son, Ia𝙣 𝙞𝙨 10 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙡𝙙.

 

I haven’t even started to process that one, but baby Ian had a lot to do with the intensity of my experience in 2012… I didn’t want him, his friends or any child to grow up in a world where they would be scared of going to school.

 

I know many of you agree with me about that (even if you aren’t a parent or a teacher) and I’ve seen a lot of posts that say “Dear Children of the World, It’s not supposed to be like this.” As true as that is, I want to challenge each of you to find and hold a vision of how it IS supposed to be.

 

𝐖𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭, 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐚 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐟 𝐰𝐞 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐱 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬, 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧.

 

If legislators, teachers, administrators, clergy, billionaires, memes or gurus were going to fix this, they would have by now.

 

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 “𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦” 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧 “𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐮𝐬” 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦. 𝐈𝐟 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬, 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧.

 

I know it feels safer to focus on what other people are doing right now and I honor the helpless feeling that comes with knowing that much the power for political action, mental health improvements, moral and ethical choices, and technological advancements are out of our individual hands, but I want to challenge you to focus on the things we CAN do.

 

We can show up for our kids and each other so everyone feels seen and heard.

We can practice forgiveness and choose love.

We can model healthy disagreement and tolerance for people who are different or who don’t agree with us.

We can spend more time reflecting on our own choices and actions than we spend attacking others.

We can make sure that we take care of ourselves so we can show other people what that looks like.

Most importantly, we can all BE the change we want to see in our families, in our communities, and in our world.

 

None of these things will bring 19 tiny angels back to life, but I truly believe that they can help move us toward a future where our kids know they are always safe, loved, and empowered.

 

𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 - 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗢𝗡𝗘 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝘂𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱?