Pouring from an Empty Cup Part 1

Part 1: There Must be a Hole in this Cup

It is no secret that teacher stress and burnout is at all all-time high.  Between illogical mandates, vague accountability measures, and the wide array of challenges that students face, it is obvious why so many great teachers are struggling. 

The part that might not be as obvious is the impact of that struggle in the classroom.  Since teachers tend to be some of the most giving and compassionate people on the planet, they often store up the little bit of optimism, positivity, and energy that they have left and give it all to their students.  As nice as that sounds, the reality of the situation is that no one can pour from an empty cup no matter how great their intentions or how skillfully they pretend that they are ok.  When that cup is empty, teachers and students end up thirsty for connection, guidance and support.

Unfortunately, I had to learn this lesson the hard way.  Throughout the course of one school year, I took on new curriculum, a challenging population of high school students, and an extracurricular advisor position all while planning my wedding and building a house.  I was actually juggling all of that pretty well until I was thrown an even bigger curveball when my fiancé was diagnosed with Stage 4 Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.   

Through it all, I tried my best to keep my struggles outside the door when I was in my classroom because I knew that my kids already had more than enough to worry about without worrying about their teacher.  In class, I still managed to smile, teach the curriculum, and do my best to connect with my students, but outside of class, I was a mess.  I developed chronic anxiety and started having panic attacks, but I kept all of that to myself for two reasons.  First, like many teachers, I am a giver and a nurturer so I placed all of my focus and attention on my students and my fiancé because I thought it was selfish to focus on myself.  Second, I didn’t have the first clue how to manage my stress, anxiety, or panic so I just tried to pretend it wasn’t there.  

Thankfully, I somehow survived that school year, the house got built, the wedding was amazing, and some stellar doctors were able to cure the cancer, but I still didn’t learn my lesson.  The anxiety and panic never really went away and my ability to connect with my classes in a meaningful way was definitely hindered.  Then, the Universe stepped back in with a few more tragedies and I really felt like the goal was to literally make or break me. 

During Round Two of “How much can Patty handle?”, I was dealt back-to-back blows from my dad’s massive heart attack and my mom’s chronic health struggles all before a drunk driver killed my big brother.  I was barely starting to cope with that tragedy when my mentor, friend, and supervisor ended up with an aggressive form of cancer and I lost him less than a year after my brother. 

Needless to say, at that point, I wasn’t really able to keep my struggles outside the classroom – especially when the announcement of my friend’s death came over the loudspeaker.  After I completely lost it in front of a room full of high school juniors, something magical happened – I connected with them, they supported me, and they allowed me to support them in return.  It also began a pretty amazing journey of personal and professional development that changed the whole trajectory of my career. 

Clearly this was an extreme situation and I don’t advocate crying in class or sharing personal problems with kids who already have more than enough of their own problems, but that moment was a turning point in my understanding of two concepts – social and emotional learning (SEL) and the need for some form of stress management.

Three things saved me during that time and they are resources that are available to any educator who might be struggling with an empty cup.

1.     My colleagues and administrators were more supportive and compassionate than I could’ve ever fathomed, especially once I accepted the fact that I needed help.  As a recovering control freak and people pleaser, it is still hard for me to admit when I need help, but back then it was almost impossible.  Thankfully, the people that I worked with stepped up, made sacrifices, and were always there for anything and everything that I needed.  From them I learned the importance of collaboration, community, and school culture and I am forever grateful for all that they have always done and still do for me.

2.     My “kids” gave me perspective.  Whenever I felt myself falling into overwhelm, I realized that I still had the power to choose how I reacted to the circumstances.  Knowing that dozens of teens were watching me and learning how to cope with adversity in their own lives gave me the strength and courage that I needed to smile, redirect, and choose positivity.

3.    Learning healthy ways to manage stress was definitely a game-changer as far as keeping my cup full.  So many small techniques made a huge difference and I will get into them more in Part 2 of this series, but intentional breathing and a daily gratitude practice are two things that literally saved my sanity.

Ultimately, I am thankful that my husband got better and has been cancer-free for more than a decade, that I have caught a break from the relentless tragedy (::knock on wood::), that I haven’t experienced extreme anxiety or panic attacks in almost five years, and that I am now well enough to share my story and help other teachers. 

Unfortunately, as things have gotten much better for me outside of work, the pressures on teachers have gotten exponentially worse in the last ten years and it doesn’t really take very much to drain teachers right now.  There are massive disconnects between all levels from the federal and state education departments all the way down to district, building-level and classroom situations.  Constant change is causing confusion along with mandates that are layered on top of one another and sometimes even contradict one another and it all creates a scenario where teachers can't catch their breath, find perspective or compeltely address the needs of the children in their care.

After surviving my crazy life and experiencing the shifts in policy and procedure that led to our current educational crisis, I am convinced that there is a crucial need for a different type of professional development that focuses on teacher wellness, stress-management, and social and emotional learning.  Everyone knows that modeling is the key to impactful teaching and when teachers are stressed out, they can't be expected to epitomize social and emotional well-being.  If you're wondering what that might look like, please subscribe below and stay tuned for Part 2 in this series - "Filling the Cup".