What I Found on the Other Side of Fear

This week I got three different questions in my DMs that all have a very similar answer.

• one person asked what motivates me to do “crazy” things like walk on fire, jump in frozen lakes and attempt a Spartan.
• another (who has known me a VERY long time) asked me about confidence because I used to really struggle in that area and they noticed a big shift.
• & the last one wanted to know if I was ever going to complete my Bucket List album or if I was going to keep adding to it forever.

I think the thread that connects all of these inquiries lies in a lifelong dedication to getting out of my comfort zone.

When I realized that my comfort zone was actually just familiar and not particularly comfortable, it became a game for me to explore the things on the other side.

Interestingly, that isn’t as masochistic as it sounds because the truth is, 95% of the things I encountered outside my comfort zone were exponentially BETTER than the things I was perceiving as safe and comfortable.

I was scared to travel because I grew up in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere but I fell in love with it and it changed my life in more ways that I will probably ever articulate.

I was scared to be the first one in my family to go to college because I didn’t know if I had what it takes and now I have two master’s degrees and most of my doctorate.

I was scared as I walked down the aisle on my wedding day because the man I was marrying had recently been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer - now we are still saying “I do” to each other after almost 20 years.

I was scared to get back on a motorcycle after my brother was killed but the first time I did, it was to honor him and I realized that taking motorcycle adventures out of my life wouldn’t bring him back and I know he would’ve been really mad at me if we all stopped riding.

I was scared to become a mom because I wasn’t sure I would be enough and the world around me seemed very uncertain and scary and I didn’t know if I wanted to bring a baby into all of that - now I can’t imagine life without him. I know I was destined to be his mom and that he is my greatest teacher. 

I was scared to leave my teaching job because it was safe, secure, certain and familiar - now I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I would’ve stayed.  I can’t imagine a path where I didn’t write my books, teach for WRC, or help the thousands of people I’ve been able to reach through my business.

I was scared to quit drinking because my social life revolved around alcohol and I was worried about losing friends and not having any “fun” - now I can’t imagine giving up the freedom, clarity, and energy of sobriety.  Something very similar happened when I quit eating sugar.

I was scared to explore fitness and nutrition because I had a story about “people like me” and I had spent a very long time bonding with people about the fact that I’m NOT an athlete and then I fell in love with movement - first with running and then with yoga and HIIT and even some aspects of Spartan.

I was scared to try meditation because my mind was set at 900 mph (on average) and I was SURE there was no way that it would ever slow down, let alone become more quiet, yet it did and I’m completely convinced that, without mindfulness and meditation, I would either be completely off the rails or heavily medicated right now.

I was scared to share my stories of anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, overthinking, and trauma and then, when I did, the stories lost their sharp edges, I was able to deeply connect with others in ways I never imagined, and I was able to help and empower more people than I ever could’ve imagined.

Sure, it was scary to walk on fire or jump in a lake, but those things pale in comparison to what I felt by allowing myself to be in situations where failure was imminent, where others were blatantly judging me, and where I knew that I would only be letting myself down if I gave up.

𝗜𝗳 𝗜'𝗺 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘁, 𝗜'𝗺 𝘀𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴 because I know it wont make sense to everyone and I know it may even trigger some people, but if there is a chance that even one person will read something that I wrote here and decide to see something differently, then all the fear is worthwhile.

& this is where the confidence piece comes in - the more I allowed myself to try things out of my comfort zone, the more I learned to trust myself and the more I learned that all of this is about so much more than me.  It is actually pretty easy to have confidence when you trust yourself and when you feel fully connected to something that much bigger.

It’s also where the Bucket List comes in - growth and adventure are forever, so I’m going to keep finding things that stretch me because I want to grow my confidence and expand my comfort zone. 

The adage about “if you don’t use it, you lose it” definitely applies here (and if you are interested in the neuroscience of that you can Google “anterior mid-cingulate cortex + willpower” and/or listen to the Huberman podcast with David Goggins - there’s real science behind all this stuff. LOL

More importantly, what magic is waiting for YOU on the other side of your comfort zone?